Slane for beginners!

All that reminiscing in my last post (check out Lucy's 90's Style Guide click here to read!) is still going on in Lucyland, so it wouldnt be a trip down memory lane if I didn't do a post on Slane.

Ah Slane! A day and venue that means many different things to many different people.

However the moment Lord Henry opens up his backyard to us regular folk for an auld session is generally considered the official start of the summer music festival season in Ireland.

My first experiences of an outdoor concert was Slane - a rite of passage for a 16 year old Lucy.

Slane was a mere 45 minute drunken coach trip away so for anybody who lived in my area it was where we cut our festival teeth.

Unfortunately, I won't be making my annual pilgrimage to worship this weekend due to lack of funds but I thought it only necessary to prepare any new attendees by delving into my vast (and foggy) knowledge on Slane and impart my wisdom onto any Slane first timers this coming weekend:

1) Eat!

Yes - I know I sound like your mam but in all the anticipation of the day, it's an easy one to forget!

Drinking your weight in alcohol is generally the common goal but if there's nothing to soak it up then you're going to be thoroughly ossified before you even get to the castle

This year, the promoters are upping the stakes (and being total meanies!) with a ban on ALL FOOD & BEVERAGES entering the castle grounds. That includes water and snacks. Ridiculous right?!!!

Eat a decent breakfast before you leave. Load up on water before you approach the gates and keep a cereal bar to eat later tucked in your sock if wearing wellies or maybe hide it in your bag (In a sunglasses case!) 

You'll be christened 'The Lightweight' and your loyal friends will have to babysit you for the day so make sure you don't go with anybody who hates you because then you're really screwed.

Plus you'll have no clear memories of the day and essentially would have paid €80 plus the cost of alcohol to basically get drunk in a field.

(Fainting is another consequence of drinking on no grub & little water. Something I discovered at both Oxegen 2006 and Slane 2011 with rather embarrassing medical tent visits. Apparently vodka is not a water subsititute?!! I know! Whuda thunk it?!)

2) Newsflash: You're not at Coachella darlin'

'Festival wear' is a big thing - shur there's a whole section in Penneys dedicated to it!

And while you watched Kendall & Kylie strutting around in their finest beach/boho garb at Coachella this year, please remember that you are going to a field. In Ireland.

It's going to be cold, damp and muddy so bikini's should be replaced with wellies and a rolled up rain poncho.

Also leave the heels at home! You're going to be on your feet all day & the walk from the bus to the castle entrance is odjiously long so give your poor tootsies a chance.

3) The Smell

On this day, your lung capacity will truly be put to the test.

Deep sea divers will have nothin' on your skills after you've spent a day using the Portaloos here where your breath holding-in abilities will be truly amaze and astound you.

Antibacterial gel and wipes are essential here along with trusty loo roll.

(If there's a fee charge private Portaloo company around, I'd definitely consider them. They're cleaned after every use and the few yoyo's is worth it when you realise the emotional trauma you're avoiding! Electric Picnic last year taught me this and made my days there so much more comfortable)

4) The ancient art of The Sneak

Unless you really like overpriced warm beer, you're going to try to bring drink with you. Anbody who's been to a festival or outdoor concert before will tell you that security guards are like sniffer dogs at the entrance of the venue.

This year is no exception with a ban on ALL food and drink.

A bag search & quick pat down are fairly normal practice but this year all bets are off so some serious imagination is needed in advance!

Because your Penneys bra can only hold so many cans...

What maxi skirts were invented for!

'Her names Tee'quila - her dad's Mexican'

Everybody has their own tricks but ensuring you queue at a busy time may help as security are under pressure to get people in and will hopefully be less likely to search you as thoroughly.

5) Power up!

This should probably be No.1 on my list but I've left it last so it'll stay fresh in your wee drunken minds -

Make sure you're phone is fully charged before you leave home!!

If you lose your friends in the crowds, you want to know what time Hozier is onstage at or you get the shift and want to meet up later in the day/remember what he looked like - you will need your phone!

Don't rely on charging facilities at the venue unless you really like queuing for hours and hours. If you do - then go for it you'll be delighted!

A power bank is a must if your phone battery is in anyway like mine (you can get ones in Penneys for about €8 & remember you need to charge it up at home first too!) 

A meeting point is also a handy back up plan B if ye all get separated too

Plus an emergency €50 tucked into your wine bra would do no harm either just in case you lose your wallet or bag!



Remember to leave those selfie sticks at home too and, as much as I'm sure it'll break your heart, you'll have to tell your favourite garden gnome that he can't come either....

It's safe to say Saturday will be an amazing day & to all ye making this years pilgrimage to worship at the altar of Foo, I hope my little Slane education has been of some help...

I'm not. Even a little bit. At all....(*she sobs)

Forever in the Sky,

Lucy x